I posted this on my (personal) Facebook this morning, but quickly took it down, having decided there was too much room to offend or lead people to believe it was about them in particular, when it isn't really about anyone specific, but more of the attitude I've experienced over the last few years:
I don't have a smart phone, I don't have cable, I don't get mani-pedis or expensive haircuts, and I think a $10 shirt is too expensive. Maybe people should think about that before they make snarky comments about things we are able to do. It ain't cause I got benjamins stacked to the ceiling, it's because I've got my priorities straight.
Let me start by saying: Bear and I are very blessed. Bear has a job that allows us to have everything we need and some of what we want, including me being able to stay home to write.
That's one of the lovelier things about America, right? Even in the middle of a recession (and I live in one of the poorest areas of my state) people are still able to afford some things they want.
But it's also in part because we've managed to stay away from many of the trappings of modern life that, you know, kinda cost out the yin-yang.
Since we graduated college, we've occasionally faced an attitude I find extremely upsetting, one which essentially looks at what we have from the outside and says, oh, you do this or that, so you must be rich.
Well, for one thing, 'rich' is relative. If you compare me to the average person in Colombia or Nigeria or Afghanistan, heck yeah, I'm rich, and so are you. But compared to people here, other Americans? I'm solidly middle class — and happy with that. Sure, there are single mothers and elderly people on fixed incomes and homeless people, but align me with my peers, other healthy, working-age Americans, and I'm pretty darn average.
However, some look at aspects of our life and think because we are able to do certain things, like go to the movies or on trips, that we are rolling.
One, that's simply not the truth. Two, I grew up very humbly, and to be called rich is an insult to me; to me, rich means excess and greed. I don't particularly like money, and I'm one of the least materialistic people I know. In a personality full of flaws, that's one of my more winning aspects. The thing that amazes me is that occasionally we get comments on our finances (which is such a no-no anyway) from people who only see half the picture — what we have, but not what we don't have.
That's frustrating. I don't like when a person with an iPhone, newly manicured nails, and a $150 cable bill tries to make me feel guilty because I'm doing something they would like to do or have something they would like to have, but can't afford because they spent their fun money on other types of wants.
And that's not to say any of the things listed above are bad — if that is how you choose to spend your extra money, cool. But don't try to make me feel bad. I'm certainly not going to guilt trip you because you have the super sweet, shiny new phone with Facebook and Google apps that I really like, but don't buy because I have my money reserved for something else.
And let's not forget, either: 'necessities' are shelter, food, medicine, safety, and love (and remember, in the wise words of J-Lo, "Love don't cost a thing"). Anything else is a want. You want a smart phone, you want pretty French tips, you want satellite television, just as I want to do the things I'm doing and buy the things I'm buying.
And guess what? I suspect unless you really are one of those for-real rich people, you will never have enough money to afford everything you want — that's the nature of humanity. We get some, we want more. Happiness is learning how to distribute the finite resources you do have to best meet your needs and wants, and accepting that as it is.
So yeah, I travel. I'm probably going to see a movie at the theatre this weekend. But before you point a finger and try to make me feel bad for enjoying the fruits of our hard work (and let's face it, blessings, because no matter how hard you work, it can all be ripped from you at any moment), maybe you should think about all the things you have that I don't. Because I'm fine with what I don't have — I made a conscious decision to spend my money on one thing and not another.
But if you find yourself making those kinds of comments, you probably need to sit down and review your own situation.
If you want one thing, sometimes you have to give another up. That's life. But don't make someone else feel bad because you aren't making good choices.
