February 08, 2011

Rewrite That! Blogfest: 10 Things I Hate About Humans

Today's the day!

My first blogfest turned out to be just me and the colored-lipstick-wearing samurai herself, Glenna Walsh, but it was so much fun writing this and reading Glenna's scene! I've never written anything remotely paranormal, so I had a great time with it. And please check out Glenna's entry, which may or may not involve a certain Mean Girl and zombies.

EDIT: Rachel Bateman was able to participate, too! Check out her entry here.

10 Things I Hate About Humans


A microphone too close to its receiver made Kat and her teammates clamp their hands and paws and fins to their ears.

Idiots, Kat thought, eyeing the press box at the top of the stadium with disdain. She returned to her task, weaving a soccer ball expertly between orange cones.

"It's just too good to be true... can't keep my eyes off of you..."

Kat's head snapped up. The checkered ball outran her, exhausting its energy four or five feet away. She knew that voice. 


It was outlandish. It was crazy. It was something one of her sister Bianca's wannabe boyfriends would do to catch her fickle attention.

He wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't.

And yet there he was, microphone in hand, meandering down the bleachers as if singing an old love song in front of a hundred paranormals was normal as night.

Patrick winked somewhere over Kat's head. The drum major's whistle sounded.

The marching band chimed in, a grand accompaniment to his ridiculous croon. Kat couldn't help smiling at the werewolves clanging cymbals, the vamps puffing into clarinets, the ghouls banging on the timpanis, even Yeti Jim on his tuba, marching in formation across the astroturf, instruments swinging side to side.

Patrick ran back and forth across the bleachers, free hand in the air, waving it around in a poor imitation of Fred Astaire. Samantha Starlock grinned and flicked Kat with her green tail. Teammates pointed, smiled, and held their hands to their brows in mock swoons.

Kat was going to kill him.

At least, that's what she told herself. The laugh escaping her lips, the tension flowing from her shoulders, spoke otherwise.

"I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely nights..."

Bystanders clapped along from the stands. Kat registered Luella Winchester, resident poltergeist, ogling Patrick's dark brown curls. She never had liked that girl. Too transparent.

Instinctively, Kat uncrossed her arms and edged toward the bleachers.

"I love you, baby, trust in me when I say... oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray."

Movement in Kat's periphery distracted her. Patrick followed her eyes to the green, bobble-headed security guards scaling the steps. He grinned even bigger. "Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay."

He plopped down in section 110 and waved cheekily to the guards. "And let me love yoooooou, oh baby, let me love you."

He balanced his chin in his hand and looked to Kat, batting his lashes comically.

Kat reached into her duffel bag, grasping for her wand as the goons approached. Patrick was only human, after all. She had to protect him from the aliens' harsh grip.

Patrick held his wrists up, surrendering to their suction-cup fingers. Kat groaned and pointed her wand, bracing for the consequences.

Just as the security guard reached to grab him, Patrick jumped up and dodged left. The crowd cheered, the hoarse werewolves' howls mingling with the vamps' cultured accents and the mer cheerleaders' high squeals as they leaned over the edge of their practice tank.

Patrick held his hands out questioningly, eyes connecting with Kat's in a moment that would've been followed by some kind of earth-shattering sound effect if her life were a movie.

Kat jerked her chin slightly. Her grip loosened on her wand.


From the spring in his dancing strides as Portland Paranormal High School security chased him across the bleachers, Kat knew he'd understood perfectly.

In case you haven't seen it, this is the original that inspired my blogfest entry. My version isn't nearly as good as the movie, but it was fun all the same!


The Blue Lipstick Samurai said...

YEEES. Yeti Jim and transparent ooglers FTW!

Absolutely love this! One of my favorite scenes. :D

Rachel Bateman said...

Oh man, I MUST watch this movie now. I love, love, love this scene and I love your take on it, too! I am bummed more people didn't jump on the blogfest - it is such a great prompt. I have been a little short of time these days, what with wrangling Baby Caveman and all, but if I can steal a few minutes to write later today, I am totally going to put up a scene of my own. Better late than never, yes?

Holly Dodson said...

Holly fail. I can't believe I forgot about this! :( Kick me next time for a little reminder. lol

But I love your scene!

Abby Stevens said...

Glenna - I have a fondness for Yeti Jim as well!

Rachel - That would be awesome! I'll be sure to link you if you do! Maybe I need some pointers from you as to how to get more traffic/buzz for my blogfests. Oh well, it was definitely worth it regardless!

Holly - Lol, np! You had a great post today regardless. And thank you!

And to all of you - have you noticed that Linky now requires a subscription? Yikes. Looks like we'll need a different linking service for future blogfests, or either do it the old-fashioned way!

Abby Stevens said...

And I wrote the word 'regardless' twice in two lines. :P Grrr...

Pam Harris said...

Lol! This was great! Anything that pays homage to 10 Things... and Heath Ledger is awesome in my book. :)

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

I was totally going to do this. It would have been a scene from She's All That. I'll blame it on the one-handed typing while holding a baby.

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